Deadpool Corporate Shill Summer 2014
by megamatt09
Summary: Deadpool discusses various releases by the author during the summer. Shameless shilling and content that might upset delicate sensibilities.


**The follow comments are those of Wade Wilson and are not condoned by anyone sane or otherwise. **

"Hello, my name is Wade Wilson, and summer is almost here!"

The sound of children cheering, teachers cheering, and parents booing immensely could be heard in the background.

"So last summer, I believe that was when Ascension Book One started, and also we had Beyond the Veil Book 2 and maybe Herald of Death Book 2 and Under the Influence, am I right?' Deadpool asked and there was a whisper from off the screen. "Yeah of course I'm right, you remember those stories. I didn't really pay attention to them unless they had scenes that involved me in them."

Deadpool cleared his throat.

"Anyway, as you recall in one of our previous PSAs, Happy Birthday Mr. Author, there has been cries that there will be a Deadpool harem story, because there would be zany misadventures," Deadpool said. "I'd also alternatively accept a story where Howard the Duck, She Hulk, and Rocket Raccoon join me on zany adventures. And obviously it ends with me banging She Hulk, because….well have you seen fucking She Hulk? Although her cousin, man that got has a real anger management issue."

Deadpool shook his head.

"Anyway, the outpouring of fan support has been overwhelming, calls, e-mails, carrier pigeons, smoke signals, everything have come in," Deadpool said with a smile on his face. "For those who want to call in, you can call the Deadpool hotline, at 1-900-909-9900!"

A flashing message across the screen reads "If you get this reference, you are as big of a dork as the author, congratulations."

"So, anyway first call?"

Deadpool appeared on the line, doing an obvious stoner voice. "Dude, like we need some Deadpool action. More Deadpool, sweet man."

"Thank you caller, how about more?"

"Deadpool must have a harem," a voice said that sounded like Deadpool doing his best impression of Christian Bale's Batman.

"Yeah, how about it, Deadpool should have a harem!" an excited voice that sounded like Deadpool who had his nuts in a vice.

"Deadpool harem, FTW!" a voice that said like Deadpool's normal voice said.

"Well you have it….."

The computer started making funny noises and Deadpool raised his hand.

"Didn't we do this joke that's about three years out of date already in a previous PSA?"

The computer continued to hum and Deadpool sighed.

"May have your attention please?" Deadpool asked, putting on a pair of thick glasses. "If you think that Deadpool is getting his own harem….then I'm afraid I have some bad news."

Deadpool stopped.

"Oh, I know who this is from," Deadpool said, shaking his head, and then the e-mail went off again. "Okay, for realsies this time…I have received an e-mail from the author of this story, who says, and I quote….."

"Deadpool, you fucktard, if you don't get on with promoting my shit, I'm sending Squirrel Girl in to kick your ass. Love, Megamatt09."

Deadpool looked fearful at the thought of Squirrel Girl laying the smackdown on his candy ass.

"Okay, we've got stuff this summer, does it involve me…..well you're just going to have to read it to see?" Deadpool asked. "Of course, I'm sure someone's going to say something that is going to set the author off, so we'll be seeing me in a few more PSAs before it's all said and done…..seriously piss him off, so you get more of me. It can only do good things."

Deadpool shook his head.

"So, anyway, we've got Dark Echoes coming up on July 3rd 2014," Deadpool said and he smiled. "That's the story where Harry Potter is kind of like really evil and shit, and not a nice person, and yet people are going to still bitch that he kills people despite the fact that he's demonic and stuff, and thus I have do another PSA about reading comprehension and….OH GOD!"

Deadpool cleared his throat.

"Sorry, I'll dial back on the Buffy speak and stuff," Deadpool said. "So July 18th 2014, we have the Emerald Flight Reboot…although there have a few changes, so it's not a direct port of the original. For instance, I'm pretty sure this is better than the original for the simple fact She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is not merged with Donna Troy. I'd say more but you know, spoilers and shit. I don't want my nuts fed to squirrels."

Deadpool smiled and continued.

"Anyways…..Expanding the Influence is the sequel to Under the Influence, and…well congratulations for making the author do a sequel to a story that he didn't intend do so by placing so well in the poll," Deadpool said with a smile. "So we're going to have twenty chapters of fun and games in the Marvel universe and I can confirm that I'll show up in that one, thus making it my favorite new story this summer by default."

Deadpool went through the list.

"Plus we have maybe one more story starting up sometime, although it's so top secret that the author hasn't figured it out, so it might not be to the autumn months," Deadpool continued. "I can also reveal that Future Shock will be continuing in August, so you fanboys can sit down and be happy. Side Effect will be concluding the first season of thirteen chapters, with more returning in September, so don't panic. Black Prince concludes the first set of twenty chapters, with more coming in December. That tags out to Expanding the Influence and returns with a bang when that shows up. And nice reference to me last chapter by the way. And Spider-Man Chronicles Volume 2 concludes and Volume 3 will likely be wrapping up this year as well, so that's a universe that will be done, not that any of you read that one. But hey it's done, and it's been going on since 2009 or will be done rather, don't jinx it, fingers cross."

Deadpool smiled.

"Oh, Veil Book 3 ends, thus wrapping up the present universe of Veil, although there's still Adventures Through Time but that's not until 2015 so we'll talk more about that next year. And there's Ascension which keeps going on."

Deadpool smiled.

"Well that's all folks, see you next time."

**The End of the Line For You All.**


End file.
